1
00:00:09,137 --> 00:00:10,137
Are you ready, kids?

2
00:00:10,241 --> 00:00:12,379
Aye, aye, Captain!

3
00:00:12,482 --> 00:00:13,758
I can't hear you.

4
00:00:13,862 --> 00:00:15,655
Aye, aye, Captain!

5
00:00:15,758 --> 00:00:18,310
♪ Oh...

6
00:00:18,413 --> 00:00:20,655
♪ Who lives in a pineapple
under the sea? ♪

7
00:00:20,758 --> 00:00:22,206
♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

8
00:00:22,310 --> 00:00:24,931
♪ Absorbent and yellow
and porous is he. ♪

9
00:00:25,034 --> 00:00:26,413
♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

10
00:00:26,517 --> 00:00:28,724
♪ If nautical nonsense be
something you wish... ♪

11
00:00:28,827 --> 00:00:30,172
♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

12
00:00:30,275 --> 00:00:32,724
♪ Then drop on the deck
and flop like a fish. ♪

13
00:00:32,827 --> 00:00:34,413
♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

14
00:00:34,517 --> 00:00:36,620
♪ Ready?
SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

15
00:00:36,724 --> 00:00:39,620
♪ SpongeBob SquarePants!

16
00:00:39,724 --> 00:00:40,724
♪ SpongeBob SquarePants!

17
00:00:40,758 --> 00:00:43,172
♪ SpongeBob SquarePants!

18
00:00:45,482 --> 00:00:49,068
Captioning sponsored by THE
U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

19
00:00:49,172 --> 00:00:52,000
and NICKELODEON

20
00:01:02,034 --> 00:01:07,620
Ah, Goo Lagoon, a luxurious
oasis of sand and sea.

21
00:01:07,724 --> 00:01:09,689
Shoot, SpongeBob,

22
00:01:09,793 --> 00:01:10,793
how can we go swimming

23
00:01:10,827 --> 00:01:12,586
when you're in a shirt and tie?

24
00:01:12,689 --> 00:01:14,379
Ah, yes, how foolish of me.

25
00:01:15,827 --> 00:01:18,551
Allow me to remedy
said situation right now.

26
00:01:18,655 --> 00:01:20,620
I will just use
this changing tent here

27
00:01:20,724 --> 00:01:23,413
to change into my bathing suit.

28
00:01:23,793 --> 00:01:25,344
And I won't do anything else.

29
00:01:25,448 --> 00:01:26,655
SpongeBob's acting jumpier

30
00:01:26,758 --> 00:01:29,413
than a rattlesnake
in a pickle barrel.

31
00:01:29,517 --> 00:01:30,517
Wait... what?

32
00:01:31,827 --> 00:01:34,275
Oh, I'll be changing all right,

33
00:01:34,379 --> 00:01:36,068
but not into a bathing suit.

34
00:01:36,172 --> 00:01:40,793
Wait until Sandy sees
that I brought my karate gear!

35
00:01:40,896 --> 00:01:41,551
Hi-yah!

36
00:01:41,655 --> 00:01:42,827
Hi... yah!

37
00:01:42,931 --> 00:01:45,034
Sandy won't beat me this time,

38
00:01:45,137 --> 00:01:47,689
because I've got the element
on my side.

39
00:01:47,793 --> 00:01:50,862
The element of surprise.

40
00:01:50,965 --> 00:01:51,758
Hi-yah!

41
00:01:51,862 --> 00:01:53,931
SpongeBob, are you ready?

42
00:01:54,034 --> 00:01:57,310
Yes, Sandy,
I most certainly am ready!

43
00:01:57,413 --> 00:02:00,103
Ready to get it on.

44
00:02:00,206 --> 00:02:02,206
Hi...

45
00:02:02,310 --> 00:02:03,344
Hi-yah!

46
00:02:03,448 --> 00:02:04,586
Look, SpongeBob,

47
00:02:04,689 --> 00:02:06,275
we both brought our karate gear.

48
00:02:07,586 --> 00:02:10,000
Great minds
think alike, I suppose.

49
00:02:10,103 --> 00:02:11,620
Hi-yah!

50
00:02:17,379 --> 00:02:20,827
I may be down, but I'm not out!

51
00:02:21,724 --> 00:02:22,724
Way to go, buddy.

52
00:02:22,827 --> 00:02:23,827
It took us three days

53
00:02:23,862 --> 00:02:25,896
to make that potato salad.

54
00:02:26,000 --> 00:02:27,586
Three days!

55
00:02:27,689 --> 00:02:29,241
Hi-yah!

56
00:02:29,344 --> 00:02:30,689
Sandy?

57
00:02:30,793 --> 00:02:33,517
Oh, I'm Sandy all right...

58
00:02:33,620 --> 00:02:35,896
I'm very sandy.

59
00:02:36,000 --> 00:02:36,620
Hi-yah!

60
00:02:36,724 --> 00:02:38,931
Oh, I get it.

61
00:02:39,034 --> 00:02:40,172
She's "Sandy."

62
00:02:40,275 --> 00:02:43,965
That's her name and she's
also covered in... yes.

63
00:02:45,275 --> 00:02:48,724
Back in Texas,
we call ice cream
"frozen cow juice."

64
00:02:48,827 --> 00:02:50,827
Excuse me for a sec.

65
00:02:50,931 --> 00:02:52,034
Hi... yah!

66
00:02:53,000 --> 00:02:53,724
Thank you.

67
00:02:53,827 --> 00:02:55,896
No, no, thank you.

68
00:02:56,000 --> 00:02:57,000
Hi-yah!

69
00:03:00,965 --> 00:03:03,620
Who threw that
piece of paper at me?

70
00:03:06,103 --> 00:03:07,655
Hey, what's everyone

71
00:03:07,758 --> 00:03:09,344
waiting in line for?

72
00:03:09,448 --> 00:03:13,103
Ahoy, fair lass, it be the line
to get into the Salty Spitoon,

73
00:03:13,206 --> 00:03:15,655
the roughest,
toughest,
sailor club

74
00:03:15,758 --> 00:03:17,931
ever to be built
under the seven seas.

75
00:03:18,034 --> 00:03:21,172
Only the baddest of the bad
can get in.

76
00:03:21,275 --> 00:03:22,862
You need to have muscles.

77
00:03:24,275 --> 00:03:27,034
You need to have muscles
on your muscles.

78
00:03:28,206 --> 00:03:31,448
You need to have muscles
on your eyeballs.

79
00:03:34,241 --> 00:03:35,655
Ew.

80
00:03:40,103 --> 00:03:42,793
Looks like a rip-snortin'
good time, SpongeBob.

81
00:03:42,896 --> 00:03:44,448
Yeah, let's go in.

82
00:03:44,551 --> 00:03:45,896
Go ahead.

83
00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:48,379
Welcome to the Salty Spitoon.

84
00:03:48,482 --> 00:03:49,689
How tough are ya?

85
00:03:49,793 --> 00:03:51,172
How tough am I?

86
00:03:51,275 --> 00:03:52,379
How tough am I?

87
00:03:52,482 --> 00:03:55,241
I had a bowl of nails
for breakfast this morning.

88
00:03:55,344 --> 00:03:56,103
Yeah, so?

89
00:03:56,206 --> 00:03:58,448
Without any milk.

90
00:03:58,551 --> 00:03:59,413
Uh, right this way.

91
00:03:59,517 --> 00:04:00,827
Sorry to keep you waiting.

92
00:04:00,931 --> 00:04:02,758
Welcome to the Salty Spitoon.

93
00:04:02,862 --> 00:04:03,758
How tough are ya?

94
00:04:03,862 --> 00:04:06,103
How tough am I?

95
00:04:08,344 --> 00:04:09,862
Wow.

96
00:04:09,965 --> 00:04:11,551
Got any more tattoos?

97
00:04:11,655 --> 00:04:14,068
Uh, that won't
be necessary.
Go ahead.

98
00:04:14,172 --> 00:04:15,034
Thanks!

99
00:04:15,137 --> 00:04:16,655
See ya inside, SpongeBob.

100
00:04:16,758 --> 00:04:18,068
How tough are ya?

101
00:04:18,172 --> 00:04:18,965
How tough am I?

102
00:04:19,068 --> 00:04:20,931
You got a new bottle of ketchup?

103
00:04:21,034 --> 00:04:22,034
Sure.

104
00:04:22,068 --> 00:04:23,241
It's on!

105
00:04:40,517 --> 00:04:43,586
If I could just run this
under some hot water...

106
00:04:43,689 --> 00:04:44,862
Get outta here.

107
00:04:44,965 --> 00:04:47,310
This place is too tough
for you, little man.

108
00:04:47,413 --> 00:04:48,413
Too tough for me?

109
00:04:48,517 --> 00:04:50,000
That's downright ridiculous.

110
00:04:50,103 --> 00:04:52,310
I'll have you know
I stubbed my toe last week

111
00:04:52,413 --> 00:04:56,034
while watering my spice garden
and I only cried for 20 minutes.

112
00:04:56,137 --> 00:04:59,482
Listen, kid, I think
you'd be more comfortable

113
00:04:59,586 --> 00:05:00,689
over at that place.

114
00:05:00,793 --> 00:05:02,137
Weenie Hut Jr.'s?

115
00:05:02,241 --> 00:05:04,862
Are you saying I belong
at Weenie Hut Jr.'s?

116
00:05:04,965 --> 00:05:06,482
Oh, no, sorry.
I was actually

117
00:05:06,586 --> 00:05:08,103
pointing to the place
next to it.

118
00:05:08,206 --> 00:05:10,655
Super Weenie Hut Jr.'s?

119
00:05:10,758 --> 00:05:12,068
Yeah.

120
00:05:12,172 --> 00:05:14,827
Unless you think you're
tough enough to fight me.

121
00:05:16,482 --> 00:05:18,862
How's your collection
coming along?

122
00:05:18,965 --> 00:05:20,310
Well I don't mean to brag,

123
00:05:20,413 --> 00:05:21,413
but it's pretty sweet.

124
00:05:21,448 --> 00:05:23,827
I'm in the process
of acquiring issue 347

125
00:05:23,931 --> 00:05:26,103
which will give me
my fourth set.

126
00:05:26,206 --> 00:05:27,068
No!

127
00:05:27,172 --> 00:05:28,551
What weenies.

128
00:05:28,655 --> 00:05:30,206
Oh, brother.

129
00:05:30,310 --> 00:05:32,931
Would you care
for another diet cola

130
00:05:33,034 --> 00:05:35,103
with a lemon twist, Weenie?

131
00:05:35,206 --> 00:05:35,793
What?!

132
00:05:35,896 --> 00:05:38,000
But I'm not a weenie!

133
00:05:39,241 --> 00:05:42,000
I'm sorry, sir,
but my sensors indicate

134
00:05:42,103 --> 00:05:43,827
that you are indeed a weenie.

135
00:05:45,689 --> 00:05:47,689
That's impossible!

136
00:05:47,793 --> 00:05:50,862
You can't hide what's inside.

137
00:05:52,827 --> 00:05:54,655
I demand entrance into your club

138
00:05:54,758 --> 00:05:57,482
on the grounds
that I am nota weenie!

139
00:05:57,586 --> 00:05:59,241
Hey, Reg, how's it going?

140
00:05:59,344 --> 00:06:00,172
You were saying?

141
00:06:00,275 --> 00:06:01,275
Go ahead, buddy.

142
00:06:01,344 --> 00:06:02,344
Thanks, Reg.

143
00:06:02,379 --> 00:06:03,931
So, your name's Reg?

144
00:06:04,034 --> 00:06:06,000
Would you get outta here?

145
00:06:06,103 --> 00:06:07,241
Mark my words, Reg!

146
00:06:07,344 --> 00:06:10,413
I will get into
the Salty Spitoon!

147
00:06:10,517 --> 00:06:11,551
I will!

148
00:06:11,655 --> 00:06:12,827
Couldn't get in, huh?

149
00:06:12,931 --> 00:06:14,551
What you need is a tough hairdo.

150
00:06:14,655 --> 00:06:15,931
No one gets into the double-S

151
00:06:16,034 --> 00:06:17,172
without a tough hairdo.

152
00:06:17,275 --> 00:06:18,517
I disagree... I saw a guy

153
00:06:18,620 --> 00:06:20,448
going in there and he was bald.

154
00:06:20,551 --> 00:06:21,655
I saw that guy.

155
00:06:21,758 --> 00:06:23,379
He wasn't bald,
he had a shaved head.

156
00:06:23,482 --> 00:06:24,896
Shaved... that's a hairdo.

157
00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:25,896
Case closed.

158
00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:27,000
Hey, where'd he go?

159
00:06:27,103 --> 00:06:29,068
I believe he said something

160
00:06:29,172 --> 00:06:31,689
about going to the wig store.

161
00:06:31,793 --> 00:06:32,620
Ha-ha!

162
00:06:32,724 --> 00:06:35,034
Check and mate!

163
00:06:35,551 --> 00:06:37,206
What's shaking, my man?

164
00:06:37,310 --> 00:06:38,103
Not much.

165
00:06:38,206 --> 00:06:40,310
Say, haven't I seen you before?

166
00:06:40,413 --> 00:06:43,689
Doubt it... I'm a drifter...
Just blew into town.

167
00:06:43,793 --> 00:06:45,724
Heard your club
was pretty tough.

168
00:06:45,827 --> 00:06:47,310
Thought I'd check it out.

169
00:06:47,413 --> 00:06:47,931
Nice try, kid.

170
00:06:48,034 --> 00:06:48,931
I know it's you.

171
00:06:49,034 --> 00:06:51,068
What are you talking about?

172
00:06:51,172 --> 00:06:51,931
Aha!

173
00:06:52,034 --> 00:06:54,931
Hey everybody, what's going on?

174
00:07:00,103 --> 00:07:01,758
Ah, you can go in.

175
00:07:01,862 --> 00:07:03,000
Sorry about that.

176
00:07:03,103 --> 00:07:04,275
And what do youwant?

177
00:07:04,379 --> 00:07:06,827
I'd like to gain entrance
to your club, please.

178
00:07:06,931 --> 00:07:09,965
I believe my hairdo is in order.

179
00:07:14,655 --> 00:07:15,724
So where do you stand

180
00:07:15,827 --> 00:07:17,896
on the whole
bald vs. shaved debate?

181
00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:19,068
Hey-ya, Reg.

182
00:07:19,172 --> 00:07:21,034
All right, now it's a party.

183
00:07:21,137 --> 00:07:23,448
Oh, yeah, check out the new ink.

184
00:07:23,551 --> 00:07:24,344
Thanks.

185
00:07:24,448 --> 00:07:26,275
Hey, look what I can make it do.

186
00:07:28,931 --> 00:07:30,758
Yeah!

187
00:07:30,862 --> 00:07:32,068
Hey, what about that one?

188
00:07:32,172 --> 00:07:35,103
Huh, you know, I don't
remember getting this one.

189
00:07:35,206 --> 00:07:36,413
Can you make it dance?

190
00:07:36,517 --> 00:07:37,517
Oh, here, let me try.

191
00:07:41,034 --> 00:07:43,000
Hot-cha, cha-cha,
hot-cha, cha-cha.

192
00:07:43,103 --> 00:07:44,655
Cha-ditty-cha-ditty-cha!

193
00:07:44,758 --> 00:07:46,965
Hmm, wait a minute.

194
00:07:47,068 --> 00:07:48,275
Go ahead in.

195
00:07:48,379 --> 00:07:49,620
Yeah, sure, Reg.

196
00:07:49,724 --> 00:07:50,931
Thanks.

197
00:07:51,034 --> 00:07:52,965
Nice try, little man.

198
00:07:54,655 --> 00:07:56,931
Hey, I was in front of you!

199
00:07:57,034 --> 00:07:57,862
No, you weren't!

200
00:07:57,965 --> 00:07:59,655
Are you callin' me a liar?

201
00:07:59,758 --> 00:08:01,758
I ain't callin' you for dinner!

202
00:08:07,310 --> 00:08:09,137
Hold it, you two...
That's enough.

203
00:08:09,241 --> 00:08:10,689
You're both plenty tough.

204
00:08:10,793 --> 00:08:11,689
Go ahead in.

205
00:08:11,793 --> 00:08:12,689
All right.

206
00:08:12,793 --> 00:08:14,034
Thanks, Reg.

207
00:08:14,137 --> 00:08:15,137
Hey, what about me?

208
00:08:15,241 --> 00:08:16,241
I was in that scrap.

209
00:08:16,344 --> 00:08:17,931
I saw you running.

210
00:08:18,034 --> 00:08:20,310
When you get
in a real fight,
then we'll talk.

211
00:08:20,413 --> 00:08:25,206
Well then, I guess it's time
to take it up a notch.

212
00:08:40,482 --> 00:08:43,137
Care for another sundae, weenie?

213
00:08:43,241 --> 00:08:44,241
I am not a weenie!

214
00:08:44,275 --> 00:08:46,413
Relax, you're among friends.

215
00:08:46,517 --> 00:08:50,586
My friends don't hang out
at Weenie Hut Jr.'s.

216
00:08:50,689 --> 00:08:52,344
You tell 'em, SpongeBob.

217
00:08:52,448 --> 00:08:54,103
Patrick, what are
you doing here?

218
00:08:54,206 --> 00:08:56,931
I'm always here on
Double-Weenie Wednesday.

219
00:08:57,034 --> 00:08:58,103
Actually, they moved

220
00:08:58,206 --> 00:08:59,793
Double-Weenie
Wednesday
to Friday.

221
00:08:59,896 --> 00:09:01,137
Besides, today's Monday.

222
00:09:01,241 --> 00:09:03,206
Oh, so it's Mega-Weenie Monday?

223
00:09:03,310 --> 00:09:04,862
That's now on Sunday.

224
00:09:04,965 --> 00:09:05,827
Barnacles!

225
00:09:05,931 --> 00:09:06,724
Super Weenie
Hut Jr.'s

226
00:09:06,827 --> 00:09:08,137
has a Mega-Weenie Monday.

227
00:09:08,241 --> 00:09:09,034
No, you're thinking

228
00:09:09,137 --> 00:09:10,275
of Monster-Weenie Monday.

229
00:09:10,379 --> 00:09:11,655
I don't have time for this!

230
00:09:11,758 --> 00:09:14,758
I've gotta go pick a fight
with a muscular stranger.

231
00:09:14,862 --> 00:09:16,275
It's the only way of getting

232
00:09:16,379 --> 00:09:17,827
into the Salty Spitoon.

233
00:09:17,931 --> 00:09:19,137
No, SpongeBob, you can't.

234
00:09:19,241 --> 00:09:20,241
It's too dangerous.

235
00:09:20,310 --> 00:09:21,448
I've got no choice.

236
00:09:21,551 --> 00:09:23,241
I have a suggestion.

237
00:09:23,344 --> 00:09:25,413
Why not fake a fight?

238
00:09:25,517 --> 00:09:28,448
Hey, that's not a bad idea!

239
00:09:28,551 --> 00:09:31,000
You can call me
a couple of bad names,

240
00:09:31,103 --> 00:09:32,827
we rumble, next thing you know

241
00:09:32,931 --> 00:09:34,206
you're in the Salty Spitoon.

242
00:09:34,310 --> 00:09:37,344
Well, I guess I've
got nothing to lose.

243
00:09:37,448 --> 00:09:38,241
Let's do it!

244
00:09:38,344 --> 00:09:39,620
Yeah!

245
00:09:40,275 --> 00:09:41,137
Hey, how come you never

246
00:09:41,241 --> 00:09:42,448
help us with our problems?

247
00:09:42,551 --> 00:09:46,034
I am a robot,
not a miracle worker.

248
00:09:46,137 --> 00:09:47,000
Afternoon, Reg.

249
00:09:47,103 --> 00:09:48,551
Whoa, whoa, little man.

250
00:09:48,655 --> 00:09:50,103
You still can't go in.

251
00:09:50,206 --> 00:09:53,310
Well, that makes me pretty mad.

252
00:09:53,413 --> 00:09:54,413
Oh, yeah?

253
00:09:54,448 --> 00:09:55,275
Yeah.

254
00:09:55,379 --> 00:09:56,689
I might have to beat someone up

255
00:09:56,793 --> 00:09:58,965
just to get rid
of all this blind fury.

256
00:09:59,068 --> 00:10:00,620
Wow.

257
00:10:00,724 --> 00:10:04,137
I feel pretty sorry for the
next guy who looks at me funny.

258
00:10:04,241 --> 00:10:06,137
Hmm... what about
that guy?

259
00:10:07,689 --> 00:10:09,689
I...
don't be silly,

260
00:10:09,793 --> 00:10:11,103
he's not bothering anybody.

261
00:10:11,206 --> 00:10:14,103
I mean, not like...
that guy!

262
00:10:14,689 --> 00:10:15,689
Who, me?

263
00:10:15,793 --> 00:10:16,896
Yeah, you.

264
00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:18,355
Standing there all
smiling and whatnot.

265
00:10:18,379 --> 00:10:21,000
Somebody ought to teach
you some manners.

266
00:10:21,103 --> 00:10:23,034
Okay, but I must warn you.

267
00:10:23,137 --> 00:10:28,241
I happen to be a world
championship... uh...

268
00:10:28,344 --> 00:10:31,206
"kick... box... er."

269
00:10:31,689 --> 00:10:35,137
I don't care if you're
the demon seed
of Davey Jones!

270
00:10:35,241 --> 00:10:37,517
You're going down, Tubby!

271
00:10:38,931 --> 00:10:40,689
Tubby?

272
00:10:43,793 --> 00:10:46,068
Nobody calls me Tubby!

273
00:10:47,068 --> 00:10:48,413
Wait, Patrick.

274
00:10:48,517 --> 00:10:50,620
You're supposed to
let mewin, remember?

275
00:10:50,724 --> 00:10:51,724
Oh, yeah.

276
00:10:54,655 --> 00:10:56,068
No, please wait!

277
00:11:16,000 --> 00:11:19,758
No, please, have mercy.

278
00:11:25,241 --> 00:11:26,275
Wow!

279
00:11:26,379 --> 00:11:27,275
You destroyed that guy

280
00:11:27,379 --> 00:11:29,310
without even touching him!

281
00:11:29,413 --> 00:11:30,758
I did?

282
00:11:30,862 --> 00:11:32,586
I never thought I'd say this,

283
00:11:32,689 --> 00:11:34,965
but...
go ahead in.

284
00:11:35,068 --> 00:11:36,448
Really?

285
00:11:36,551 --> 00:11:37,827
I can go in?

286
00:11:37,931 --> 00:11:41,068
Oh, my gosh, I never thought
this moment would come!

287
00:11:41,172 --> 00:11:42,517
I, SpongeBob SquarePants,

288
00:11:42,620 --> 00:11:46,068
am tough enough to get
into the Salty Spitoon!

289
00:11:46,172 --> 00:11:51,241
This is the happiest day
of my life!

290
00:11:54,413 --> 00:11:55,448
Sandy?

291
00:11:57,206 --> 00:11:58,344
What happened?

292
00:11:58,448 --> 00:12:01,275
You ran inside and
slipped on an ice cube.

293
00:12:03,344 --> 00:12:04,655
What happened?

294
00:12:04,758 --> 00:12:09,172
I slipped on an ice cube
and got covered in boo-boos.

295
00:12:09,275 --> 00:12:10,448
Boo-boos, eh?

296
00:12:10,551 --> 00:12:12,172
I think you guys
want thathospital.

297
00:12:12,275 --> 00:12:13,655
Weenie Hut General?!

298
00:12:26,137 --> 00:12:31,344
Ten, nine, eight, seven,
six, five, four,

299
00:12:31,448 --> 00:12:33,482
three, two, one.

300
00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:36,344
I'm done with my shift,
Mr. Krabs!

301
00:12:36,448 --> 00:12:37,896
And let me just say,

302
00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:41,482
there will come a day when I
will make something of my life

303
00:12:41,586 --> 00:12:47,172
and I will never have to set
foot in this grease trap again!

304
00:12:47,275 --> 00:12:48,482
Yeah, we'll see you

305
00:12:48,586 --> 00:12:50,758
after your lunch break,
Squidward.

306
00:12:50,862 --> 00:12:52,965
Okay.

307
00:12:54,241 --> 00:12:56,758
So I just took my private yacht

308
00:12:56,862 --> 00:12:59,655
across my private lake
to my private heliport.

309
00:12:59,758 --> 00:13:02,862
It's the only way
off my private island.

310
00:13:02,965 --> 00:13:04,517
Oh, shrimp!

311
00:13:04,620 --> 00:13:07,655
It's my arch rival from high
school, Squilliam Fancyson!

312
00:13:07,758 --> 00:13:10,655
I can't let him see me
in my Krusty Krab uniform.

313
00:13:10,758 --> 00:13:14,379
On your lunch break,
eh, Squiddy?

314
00:13:14,482 --> 00:13:17,482
Yes... I mean no...
I mean... uh, uh...

315
00:13:17,586 --> 00:13:19,068
Hey, whatcha been up to?

316
00:13:19,172 --> 00:13:23,310
Oh, just succeeding in
everything you've failed in.

317
00:13:23,413 --> 00:13:25,862
You are no great shakes,
Squilliam Fancyson!

318
00:13:25,965 --> 00:13:30,758
Anyone can be a big shot in
a hick town like Bikini Bottom.

319
00:13:30,862 --> 00:13:32,172
Oh, is that so?

320
00:13:32,275 --> 00:13:35,137
Let's hear what you've
accomplished

321
00:13:35,241 --> 00:13:36,862
since high school, Squiddy.

322
00:13:36,965 --> 00:13:39,482
Don't be intimidated, Squidward.

323
00:13:39,586 --> 00:13:41,758
Try to imagine him
in his underwear.

324
00:13:44,344 --> 00:13:46,000
Oh, no, he's hot!

325
00:13:46,103 --> 00:13:49,517
I'm, uh, in... food service.

326
00:13:49,620 --> 00:13:51,896
Hold it, don't tell me...

327
00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:53,172
You're a cashier!

328
00:13:54,586 --> 00:13:56,068
Don't lie.

329
00:13:56,172 --> 00:13:57,586
Lying always makes it worse.

330
00:13:57,689 --> 00:13:59,517
I own a five-star restaurant!

331
00:13:59,620 --> 00:14:04,758
Squidward, I had no idea
you were such a success.

332
00:14:04,862 --> 00:14:05,482
That's right!

333
00:14:05,586 --> 00:14:07,241
And I would be honored

334
00:14:07,344 --> 00:14:11,172
if you would allow me
to come to yourrestaurant...

335
00:14:11,275 --> 00:14:12,448
tonight.

336
00:14:14,655 --> 00:14:17,068
T-t-t-t-t-t-tonight?

337
00:14:17,172 --> 00:14:19,827
In fact, we'll all come.

338
00:14:19,931 --> 00:14:21,344
My treat!

339
00:14:23,724 --> 00:14:26,620
Please, Mr. Krabs,
you got to help me!

340
00:14:26,724 --> 00:14:27,931
When they get here tonight

341
00:14:28,034 --> 00:14:31,172
they'll see I'm just
a big phony and a loser!

342
00:14:31,275 --> 00:14:33,000
Oh, boo-hoo!

343
00:14:33,103 --> 00:14:37,793
Let me play a sad song for you
on the world's smallest violin.

344
00:14:37,896 --> 00:14:38,586
This is serious.

345
00:14:38,689 --> 00:14:40,103
I know... this really is

346
00:14:40,206 --> 00:14:42,206
the world's smallest violin.

347
00:14:42,310 --> 00:14:43,689
See?

348
00:14:43,793 --> 00:14:45,103
Mr. Krabs!

349
00:14:45,206 --> 00:14:47,172
Please let me run the restaurant

350
00:14:47,275 --> 00:14:48,344
for just one night!

351
00:14:48,448 --> 00:14:50,896
I really need
to impress Squilliam.

352
00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:53,517
Sq-Sq-Sq-Squilliam?

353
00:14:53,620 --> 00:14:54,660
That guy who made millions

354
00:14:54,758 --> 00:14:56,896
doing what you
wish you could do?

355
00:14:57,000 --> 00:14:58,034
Don't rub it in.

356
00:14:58,137 --> 00:14:59,482
Why didn't you tell me?

357
00:14:59,586 --> 00:15:02,344
We'll take him to the cleaners!

358
00:15:02,724 --> 00:15:04,068
All right, listen up!

359
00:15:04,172 --> 00:15:06,965
Men, Squilliam Fancyson
will be here in 20 minutes.

360
00:15:07,068 --> 00:15:09,758
Therefore, we need
to turn the Krusty Krab

361
00:15:09,862 --> 00:15:12,448
into a fancy restaurant
as soon as possible!

362
00:15:12,551 --> 00:15:14,448
Patrick, what are you
doing here?

363
00:15:14,551 --> 00:15:15,655
I thought the Corps

364
00:15:15,758 --> 00:15:17,793
would straighten out
my life, sir!

365
00:15:17,896 --> 00:15:18,517
The Corps?

366
00:15:18,620 --> 00:15:19,448
What the...?

367
00:15:19,551 --> 00:15:20,896
Patrick this isn't the...

368
00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:23,862
Beggars can't be choosers.

369
00:15:23,965 --> 00:15:24,965
Can you take hats

370
00:15:25,068 --> 00:15:27,034
in a dignified and
sophisticated manner?

371
00:15:27,137 --> 00:15:28,965
You mean like a weenie?

372
00:15:29,068 --> 00:15:29,758
Okay!

373
00:15:29,862 --> 00:15:32,137
May I take your hat, sir?

374
00:15:32,241 --> 00:15:34,413
May I take your hat, sir?

375
00:15:34,517 --> 00:15:35,517
May I...

376
00:15:35,586 --> 00:15:36,734
All right, I've heard enough.

377
00:15:36,758 --> 00:15:38,206
You've got the job.

378
00:15:38,310 --> 00:15:41,724
Mr. Krabs, didn't you once
serve on the S.S. Gourmet?

379
00:15:41,827 --> 00:15:42,551
Aye-aye!

380
00:15:42,655 --> 00:15:44,275
Then you'll be our chef.

381
00:15:44,379 --> 00:15:45,448
What can I do?

382
00:15:45,551 --> 00:15:46,831
I can't believe I'm saying this,

383
00:15:46,862 --> 00:15:50,448
but, SpongeBob, you're going
to have to be the waiter.

384
00:15:50,551 --> 00:15:51,793
What's that?

385
00:15:51,896 --> 00:15:54,206
It's the guy who goes
to tables and takes orders.

386
00:15:54,310 --> 00:15:55,965
Do other restaurants do that?

387
00:15:56,068 --> 00:15:56,965
Yes, they do that!

388
00:15:57,068 --> 00:15:58,655
Now listen,
Squilliam is on his way

389
00:15:58,758 --> 00:16:00,517
and you have
less than 20 minutes

390
00:16:00,620 --> 00:16:02,172
to become a fancy waiter,

391
00:16:02,275 --> 00:16:03,275
so read this.

392
00:16:03,344 --> 00:16:04,586
"How To Become a Fancy Waiter

393
00:16:04,689 --> 00:16:06,068
in Less Than 20 Minutes."

394
00:16:06,172 --> 00:16:07,241
Don't worry, Squidward,

395
00:16:07,344 --> 00:16:08,551
I'll memorize every page...

396
00:16:08,655 --> 00:16:09,862
Right down to the punctuation!

397
00:16:09,965 --> 00:16:12,586
All right, I've got
all the positions filled.

398
00:16:12,689 --> 00:16:14,482
I just might pull this off.

399
00:16:14,586 --> 00:16:15,586
Give me that hat!

400
00:16:15,689 --> 00:16:17,689
I said give it to me!

401
00:16:17,793 --> 00:16:20,586
Are you going to
hand it over or not?

402
00:16:20,689 --> 00:16:22,137
Don't you back-sass me!

403
00:16:23,689 --> 00:16:26,965
He's just the hat-check guy,
nothing essential!

404
00:16:28,689 --> 00:16:30,758
What happened?
What is it?

405
00:16:30,862 --> 00:16:31,758
Peas!

406
00:16:31,862 --> 00:16:33,044
Made 'em the old-fashioned way.

407
00:16:33,068 --> 00:16:35,931
Mr. Krabs, you got
to take them out of the...

408
00:16:36,034 --> 00:16:39,586
Holy fish paste, what is that?

409
00:16:39,689 --> 00:16:41,620
That's the appetizer!

410
00:16:41,724 --> 00:16:42,931
But, I thought you said

411
00:16:43,034 --> 00:16:45,517
you were the head chef
on the S.S. Gourmet?

412
00:16:45,620 --> 00:16:46,896
Did I say that?

413
00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:48,862
No, I cleaned
the bathrooms
on the Gourmet.

414
00:16:48,965 --> 00:16:51,586
I was the head chef
on the S.S. Diarrhea.

415
00:16:51,689 --> 00:16:52,689
There you are!

416
00:16:52,724 --> 00:16:54,379
SpongeBob, you got to help me!

417
00:16:54,482 --> 00:16:56,655
Patrick and Mr. Krabs
aren't working out

418
00:16:56,758 --> 00:16:58,310
and Squilliam's almost here,

419
00:16:58,413 --> 00:16:59,965
and, and... SpongeBob?

420
00:17:02,379 --> 00:17:03,379
I can't do it.

421
00:17:03,413 --> 00:17:05,862
I can't do it, Squidward.

422
00:17:05,965 --> 00:17:06,965
What?

423
00:17:07,034 --> 00:17:09,413
Every sentence,
every paragraph...

424
00:17:09,517 --> 00:17:11,517
Spoons! Bread! Salad! Pepper!

425
00:17:11,620 --> 00:17:12,724
Don't you understand?

426
00:17:12,827 --> 00:17:14,758
My brain is full to bursting!

427
00:17:14,862 --> 00:17:16,793
If I have to memorize
a single order,

428
00:17:16,896 --> 00:17:18,689
I think I'm going to explode!

429
00:17:18,793 --> 00:17:20,034
SpongeBob, hold on!

430
00:17:20,137 --> 00:17:24,931
Let's just take a second here
to relax.

431
00:17:26,448 --> 00:17:28,724
Little more...

432
00:17:30,482 --> 00:17:32,758
Little more...

433
00:17:34,620 --> 00:17:35,793
Good.

434
00:17:35,896 --> 00:17:40,103
Now... I want you
to empty your mind.

435
00:17:40,206 --> 00:17:42,103
Empty my mind?

436
00:17:42,206 --> 00:17:44,448
Empty your mind.

437
00:17:44,551 --> 00:17:46,655
Empty my mind.

438
00:17:46,758 --> 00:17:49,034
Empty your mind of everything

439
00:17:49,137 --> 00:17:52,655
that doesn't have to do
with fine dining.

440
00:17:52,758 --> 00:17:56,896
Fine dining and breathing...

441
00:17:58,586 --> 00:17:59,866
Just got an order from the boss:

442
00:17:59,965 --> 00:18:02,827
dump everything that
isn't about fine dining!

443
00:18:02,931 --> 00:18:04,206
Everything?

444
00:18:04,310 --> 00:18:05,172
Everything.

445
00:18:05,275 --> 00:18:06,103
Come on, come on!

446
00:18:06,206 --> 00:18:07,206
Quicker, quicker!

447
00:18:09,068 --> 00:18:11,827
Start dumping, start dumping.

448
00:18:11,931 --> 00:18:14,034
Come on, let's get moving!

449
00:18:14,137 --> 00:18:14,793
Hurry up!

450
00:18:14,896 --> 00:18:16,482
What am I paying you for?

451
00:18:16,586 --> 00:18:17,689
You don't pay me.

452
00:18:17,793 --> 00:18:18,793
We don't even exist.

453
00:18:18,896 --> 00:18:20,182
We're just a clever
visual metaphor

454
00:18:20,206 --> 00:18:22,965
used to personify
the abstract concept
of thought.

455
00:18:23,068 --> 00:18:26,586
One more crack like that
and you're out of here!

456
00:18:26,689 --> 00:18:27,689
No, please!

457
00:18:27,758 --> 00:18:28,758
I have three kids!

458
00:18:38,689 --> 00:18:40,724
How do you feel?

459
00:18:41,758 --> 00:18:42,758
SpongeBob?

460
00:18:46,482 --> 00:18:47,724
This isn't working!

461
00:18:47,827 --> 00:18:50,344
I gotta go tell Squilliam
I need more time!

462
00:18:50,448 --> 00:18:52,551
I'll just go and tell him...

463
00:18:52,655 --> 00:18:53,482
You're here!

464
00:18:53,586 --> 00:18:54,896
Hello, Squiddy!

465
00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:56,931
We're all ready to be dazzled

466
00:18:57,034 --> 00:18:59,068
by your five-star restaurant.

467
00:18:59,172 --> 00:18:59,862
Wait, Squilliam!

468
00:18:59,965 --> 00:19:01,275
I've got to explain!

469
00:19:01,379 --> 00:19:02,482
Explain what?

470
00:19:02,586 --> 00:19:04,758
That you, Squidward Tentacles,

471
00:19:04,862 --> 00:19:08,862
voted most likely
to suck eggs
n high school,

472
00:19:08,965 --> 00:19:12,413
are trying to pass off
a lousy burger stand

473
00:19:12,517 --> 00:19:14,586
as a five-star...

474
00:19:15,896 --> 00:19:18,137
restaurant?

475
00:19:20,275 --> 00:19:22,103
Hommina, hommina,
hommina, hommina...

476
00:19:22,206 --> 00:19:23,896
Hommina, hommina, hommina...

477
00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:26,862
Hommina, hommina, hommina,
hommina, hommina...

478
00:19:26,965 --> 00:19:28,862
Table for Hommina?

479
00:19:28,965 --> 00:19:30,758
I can seat you immediately.

480
00:19:30,862 --> 00:19:33,000
How did you do all this?

481
00:19:33,103 --> 00:19:34,862
It was easy... once
I cleared my mind.

482
00:19:34,965 --> 00:19:37,206
But what about
Krabs and Patrick?

483
00:19:37,310 --> 00:19:38,310
Taken care of.

484
00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:42,413
Right this way, please.

485
00:19:46,689 --> 00:19:47,517
Good evening, sir.

486
00:19:47,620 --> 00:19:48,724
From our menu tonight,

487
00:19:48,827 --> 00:19:50,267
might I recommend
the Krabby Newburg?

488
00:19:50,310 --> 00:19:53,000
We take the finest cuts
of aged, imported kelp,

489
00:19:53,103 --> 00:19:55,448
stuff them with herbs
from our garden,

490
00:19:55,551 --> 00:19:56,551
wrap them in parchment

491
00:19:56,655 --> 00:19:57,793
with our shallot tapenade,

492
00:19:57,896 --> 00:20:00,103
roast them for hours
in our wood-fired oven,

493
00:20:00,206 --> 00:20:02,241
and serve them with wilted coral

494
00:20:02,344 --> 00:20:03,344
on a mahogany plank.

495
00:20:03,413 --> 00:20:06,793
Mmm... this is
fantastic!

496
00:20:06,896 --> 00:20:07,793
Thank you, sir.

497
00:20:07,896 --> 00:20:10,586
Pinch me, I must be dreaming.

498
00:20:12,068 --> 00:20:13,586
If you need
anything else,
just call.

499
00:20:13,689 --> 00:20:15,793
SpongeBob, I can't
thank you enough

500
00:20:15,896 --> 00:20:17,172
for all you're doing!

501
00:20:17,275 --> 00:20:20,241
Fine dining and breathing
are all I know how to do.

502
00:20:21,862 --> 00:20:23,275
It worked.

503
00:20:23,379 --> 00:20:24,482
I can't believe it!

504
00:20:24,586 --> 00:20:27,965
Squilliam thinks I own
a five-star restaurant.

505
00:20:28,068 --> 00:20:31,310
Time to rub it in his face.

506
00:20:34,172 --> 00:20:36,827
Well, Squilliam, I'm waiting.

507
00:20:36,931 --> 00:20:39,413
All right, I admit it.

508
00:20:39,517 --> 00:20:41,379
Everything is fabulous!

509
00:20:41,482 --> 00:20:45,793
The food, the atmosphere...
Everything's flawless!

510
00:20:45,896 --> 00:20:47,931
In that case,
I need you to read this.

511
00:20:48,034 --> 00:20:49,413
"Squidward Tentacles..."

512
00:20:49,517 --> 00:20:50,689
And I need you to wear this.

513
00:20:50,793 --> 00:20:53,655
Oh, eh, "Squidward Tentacles
has the fanciest..."

514
00:20:53,758 --> 00:20:55,034
I'm sorry, one more time.

515
00:20:55,137 --> 00:20:57,965
"Squidward Tentacles has
the fanciest restaurant

516
00:20:58,068 --> 00:21:01,793
in Bikini Bottom...
and he does not suck eggs."

517
00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:06,379
Squidward, I must tell you...

518
00:21:06,482 --> 00:21:07,827
Thank you.

519
00:21:07,931 --> 00:21:11,000
What really won me over
was your brilliant waiter.

520
00:21:11,103 --> 00:21:12,793
It's as if all he knows

521
00:21:12,896 --> 00:21:15,034
is fine dining and breathing.

522
00:21:15,137 --> 00:21:16,793
I must know your name.

523
00:21:18,862 --> 00:21:19,724
My name?

524
00:21:19,827 --> 00:21:21,034
Yes, your name, son.

525
00:21:21,137 --> 00:21:24,310
Uh, Beef Wellington?

526
00:21:24,413 --> 00:21:25,827
No, your name.

527
00:21:25,931 --> 00:21:28,620
Uh... er...

528
00:21:28,724 --> 00:21:30,137
The fork on the left?

529
00:21:30,241 --> 00:21:30,896
Stop joking.

530
00:21:31,000 --> 00:21:32,172
Tell him our name.

531
00:21:32,275 --> 00:21:33,172
My name...

532
00:21:33,275 --> 00:21:34,862
What's his name?
What's his name?

533
00:21:34,965 --> 00:21:36,137
I got nothing on a name!

534
00:21:36,241 --> 00:21:39,310
Come on baby, what's the name?

535
00:21:42,827 --> 00:21:44,620
We threw out his name!

536
00:21:49,206 --> 00:21:50,379
Uh...

537
00:21:52,448 --> 00:21:53,689
I am so very sorry!

538
00:21:53,793 --> 00:21:56,620
I don't know what
has gotten into that...

539
00:21:57,689 --> 00:21:59,586
More soup for your armpits?

540
00:22:01,137 --> 00:22:03,103
Please enjoy the food!

541
00:22:03,206 --> 00:22:06,620
Would you like some cheese
on that, sir?

542
00:22:06,724 --> 00:22:08,931
Ow, ow, ow, ow!

543
00:22:11,413 --> 00:22:12,931
No, no!

544
00:22:14,724 --> 00:22:19,862
Run for your lives, everyone,
it's the appetizer!

545
00:22:32,103 --> 00:22:36,172
Well, Squiddy, I'm waiting.

546
00:22:36,827 --> 00:22:38,206
Okay, I admit it!

547
00:22:38,310 --> 00:22:39,517
I'm a fraud!

548
00:22:39,620 --> 00:22:43,241
This was all a futile,
pathetic attempt
to impress you.

549
00:22:43,344 --> 00:22:46,034
This isn't really my restaurant!

550
00:22:46,137 --> 00:22:48,103
I'm just a cashier!

551
00:22:48,206 --> 00:22:51,034
Squidward, I understand.

552
00:22:51,137 --> 00:22:54,275
I have a confession
to make myself.

553
00:22:54,379 --> 00:22:57,620
I made everything up
about my life.

554
00:22:57,724 --> 00:23:00,137
I have no yachts,
jets or anything.

555
00:23:00,241 --> 00:23:03,206
I was only trying
to impress you.

556
00:23:03,310 --> 00:23:09,689
The horrible, sad truth is
I'm a cashier, too!

557
00:23:15,413 --> 00:23:17,965
Is that true?

558
00:23:18,068 --> 00:23:18,862
Of course not!

559
00:23:18,965 --> 00:23:20,379
I'm filthy, stinking rich!

560
00:23:20,482 --> 00:23:21,586
Come on, everyone!

561
00:23:21,689 --> 00:23:25,620
Let's all take a ride
in my balloon/casino.

562
00:23:25,724 --> 00:23:26,965
Hooray!

563
00:23:33,137 --> 00:23:34,275
I got such a headache.

564
00:23:34,379 --> 00:23:36,000
What's going on with you?

565
00:23:36,103 --> 00:23:37,103
Oh, the usual.

566
00:23:40,172 --> 00:23:48,034
Would you get out of here!

567
00:23:48,137 --> 00:23:51,275
[And NICKELODEON]